This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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