textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
