You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
