She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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