if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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