I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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