I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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