It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Slut skills are useful in every country.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
