# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
