I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
