Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
