Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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