In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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