ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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