Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
