Do you still have your period?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
