This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
