I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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