so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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