At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
