help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
