so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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