fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize