Where is the hickey?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
