haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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