Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
As shirtless as possible
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
