"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
