Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
