At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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