We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just high enough for therapy.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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