I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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