I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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