If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
