i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
