I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
