Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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