Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
