This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
