I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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