Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
