Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
