fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i've created a new STD.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
