found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
