I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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