I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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