Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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