I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
