somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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