Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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