Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
