At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just tell him i said nine months
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
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I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
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T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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