At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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