i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
