Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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