I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
