i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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