About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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