If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
