Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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