I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
