Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I FOUND THE LEGS
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
