atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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