I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
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He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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