i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
