You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
