Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
