I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
