Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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