I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
