Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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