Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
