What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
