I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
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You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
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How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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