How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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