I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
