All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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