I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
