So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
