I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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